For when feedback feels like a verdict.
Feedback isn't a verdict on you
The line between feedback and attack is real but not always where you think it is
The Stoic Principle
When the criticism is about your work, it is about your work. Your brain wants to read it as 'they think I am stupid.' That is the brain's job, but it is wrong. Their judgment of the deck is not a judgment of your worth.
The Stoic Support
"Through our perceptions of events, we are complicit in the creation-- as well as the destruction--of every one of our obstacles."
Ryan Holiday | The Obstacle is the Way
Stoic Steps for Radical Resilience
Five steps for receiving hard feedback without making it about your soul.
Read it twice. The second time, slowly.
First read is for emotion. Second read is for content. Both are useful. Do not skip the second.
Translate the harshest version
'This is not good' usually contains 'this part is not there yet.' Translate to the working version. Then act on the translation, not the original.
Decide what you'd do if a stranger had said it
Same content. Different emotional weight. The work-on-the-work is the same. The hurt is mostly about who said it, not what they said.
Sleep before you respond
The first draft of the reply is rage in a polite font. Save it. Do not send it. Re-read in the morning. Send a different version.
Improve the work, not the relationship
The way to handle hard feedback is to come back with better work. Not better explanations. Better work is the only response that makes the next round of feedback different.