You have a coach right? A trainer? Maybe a therapist? Right? You have one? No??!?! You don't?!?! Everyone on the way up has someone with eyes on them to keep them on the straight and narrow! Come on!!!
Ok...I don't have one either.
But why is that a thing anyway? Well, a coach is supposed to be more knowledgeable than we are, at least in a certain domain. But I think it is moreso to have an extra layer of accountability. An 'accountability partner.'
If you have been diligently reading this newsletter for the last year-plus, you know that the dichotomy of control breaks down into (1) massive accountability and (2) supreme tolerance. When we don't have the discipline for massive accountability, we need that partner.
It is far from a bad thing to need that accountability partner. But instead of an outside party, I like to consider the Library as my accountability partner.
The partner, whether internally or externally, tells us "just do the thing. Come on. Past-you knows you wanted to do it. I am keeping current-you accountable." That's really sometimes all we need. As with all good advice, it is simple but not easy.
So decide on where you accountability support will come from - internal or external. Neither is wrong. Both are right. But having neither at all is wrong.
Adam Smith: 'When we are about to act, the eagerness of passion will seldom allow us to consider what we are doing, with the candor of an indifferent person. When the action is over, indeed, and the passions which prompted it have subsided, we can enter more coolly into the sentiments of the indifferent spectator.'
— Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday
The best revenge is to not be like that.
— Meditations, Marcus Aurelius
Do only what is yours to do, do it the best of your ability, trusting that all is for the best.
— Meditations, Marcus Aurelius
Rads Take
The first quote mentions the word 'indifferent' twice. And that indifference is being lauded here. As is a lack of passion. Hello, stoic stereotype.
But as I think about that, I think that an indifferent person can still become emotional about a situation that they have no cards in the game for. I have cried at many a movie. Namely Air Force One. Harrison Ford just kicks some major Russian separatist butt and it just makes me proud to be an American.
So if you are able to compose yourself in the heat of the moment, think like a fully divorced individual from the scenario, and still see that "this mess warrants me getting up in arms because any other sane, logical person would do the same," then have at it! With Temperance in mind, of course.
Then we got a double-shot of Marcus telling himself (yes, Meditations is a Roman Emperor's personal journal - the Roman Empire wasn't big on publishing companies) to think logically. Logic would dictate that by taking an eye for an eye only causes more hatred and things to spiral out of control. You want to take revenge on folks that have wronged you. It is natural. An instinct.
But Stoicism tells us to observe those instincts and not let them control you. Observe the external. Observe the instinct. But make a rational judgement about what to do with the knowledge you have of the world and your goals, and then act. The more you train and read and contemplate on this, the easier that seemingly tedious process becomes.
By the time we get to quote 3, we are recognizing that the random quote generator effectively gave us a cohesive paragraph. "Chill out and do your best." Be the best version of yourself. Don't let the ugliness of the world cause you to become ugly.
You have a choice: be ugly or be gorgeous. I made my choice long ago. My wife thanks me.