My dad is in just got out of (!!) the ICU. I’m delivering a speech for him tonight in his absence as he is being awarded a service award from the high school he taught at (my alma mater). This is THE thing he is thinking about while being faced with end of life conversations about dialysis, CPR and intubation.
One side of me sees the man that wants the recognition of his 30 years of service to the LaSalle College High School community to go just right. And another side of me sees it (as a Stoic) as an unnecessary ceremonial acknowledgement of past efforts. Nice but - what's done is done.
The first side of me thinks about the message that a ceremony like this sends. Kindness is rewarded. Service is rewarded. Goodness is rewarded.
One of the many Stoic principles says you don’t need the “third thing” -- meaning: (1) you do the thing. (2) the recipient of your doing is improved (3) a parade is held in your honor ensuring everyone is aware of how gosh darn tremendous of a human being you are. No one has ever been as good as you!!
Yea. That third thing.
And yet as I write a short speech from my thoughts and cultivate my dad's words and stories into a short yet dense speech while he is in a hospital bed hooked up to far too many wires and tubes, I am helping to epitomize the third thing. Does that make me a hypocrite?
No. And here is (why I believe) why…
He would love to receive the applause. Just as we all would. But he sees the speech that he cannot give as his opportunity to share with anyone willing to listen the importance of goodness, service and generosity. He wants to share the cheat code for improving this world with whatever audience he has.
It’s a cheat code we have all heard and memorized (akin to up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, select, start). But that’s doesn’t mean we live it. Day in and day out.
My dad has looked forward to this speech that he cannot give for the 3 months since he was made aware that he is being honored. It is his opportunity to deliver the critical message to his audience after 30 years as a high school math teacher and football and tennis coach.
But he didn’t wait 30 years and 3 months. He lived it and continues to live it. Everyday. He was in front of a classroom living it. Coaching my sports teams living it. Parenting me. Hoping that one day, I’d contribute to this better world he is hoping he can help shape.
So, here’s to my dad. And here’s to contributing. With whatever audience you have.
As frequently as you have it - which is, ya know, always.
I’ll show you plenty of works, which could do with some ruthless pruning.
— -- Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
There’s only one way to be happy and that’s to make the most of life.
— -- Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
--- “I’m suffering severe pain" you may say.
--- "Well, does it stop you suffering if you endure it in a womanish fashion?"
--- “But it’s really severe."
--- “Well, is courage only meant to enable us to bear up under what is not severe?"
— -- Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
Rads Take
Triple-header of Seneca today! I know you're all excited!
In our first quote, Seneca is really speaking of minimalism. Of focusing on what is essential. On getting to first principles on why a thing or process or business or speech or class exists in the first place.
There was so much talk of "innovation" at the corporate level before the only topic of conversation became AI. That was company leaders asking company doers "what else can you throw in that we can charge for?" If they thought on it and created something that no one would use, they could claim they are innovative and could charge more. But that doesn't necessarily bring more value.
What does the recipient want and need? That should be the focus. What is essential? That applies to many aspects of life.
The next one talks about a happy life. "Make the most of life" is pretty "well, yea" and generic and broad. But that is the case with lots of good advice. It is on us, the recipient of the good advice, to get creative and specific on how we can put that advice to good use.
A life is made up of days. A days is made up of hours. "How can I make the most of life?" should change to "How can I make the most of this hour?"
Step 1: Don't waste it.
Step 2: Do the things that won't waste it.
Follow those steps, and you will look back on what you did with pride. You can't take pride in the present moment. To touch on how I finished what I wrote above about my dad, I said that you have an audience always. Initially, I thought that was a cute way to wrap. But as I thought about it, even if you are alone, you have an audience. That audience is you in the future.
You can observe and mentally relive your prior actions at any time. That observation generally comes with 2 results: pride or regret. Consider your future audience when choosing what to do with your hours, days, and life.
And finally, Seneca gets sexist. Listen bub, I have seen a woman go through some pain, aight? So, enduring pain womanly is a badge of honor. Now that that is said...
He is telling us that courage is not optional given the circumstances. They say that virtue lies between two vices. Between recklessness and cowardice is courage. No matter how bad the situation, we still own our accountability to be virtuous in that moment. From the great movie about my Philadelphia Eagles Invincible, Carol Vermeil says "Character is tested when you're up against it." Not when it is easy. What do you do when it's hard?