"Have courage and be kind."
No, this is not the sage wisdom of a classic Stoic. It's what Cinderella's mother advised her on her death bed in the 2015 classic and eponymously named live-action film "Cinderella".
OK, no. It is not a "classic." Most people don't really know that it existed. Including you. Right now. Check it out on Disney+ after another increased price hike...anyway...
Courage. One of the 4 Stoic pillars. I heard it in the movie so I looked for it in the movie.
So get this right, the mom dies, then the dad marries the evil stepmother then the dad dies and the story continues just as it did in the old-school cartoon version. "Have courage and be kind" never showed in the cartoon version. Well, the mom didn't show at all in fact. But with that advice from her mother, Cinderella stood in perfect position to do something that was courageous.
But when the evil stepmother told her "yo, the attic looks like your jam" (not a direct quote - despite the quotation marks), Cinderella shrugged her shoulders, moved her belongings to the dusty old attic and made the best of it.
That smacks of a Stoic mentality. "Not 'this isn't so bad' -- instead 'how can this be good?'" Yea! Go you! You'll find happiness in that attic!
But....courageous?
Most of our life, we are not faced with critical or character-defining decisions. So when the moment arrives when we are presented with opportunities to practice the 4 Stoic virtues of Courage, Justice, Temperance and Wisdom (I memorized them alphabetically), we need to be ready. Prepared. Like we practiced "premeditatio malorum" in pre-considering that which might not go just to plan.
Cinderella's kindness in this case and desire to please overcame her desire to stand up for herself. To stand up for the right thing. To stand up for Justice.
Gandhi once said when faced with the choice of cowardice or violence, choose violence. Of course, that doesn't mean the Mahatma went around with a machete. Just that in a hypothetical, when all other avenues were shut down, pick the lesser of the two evils. Further, Cinderella was not in that hypothetical herself so I would not advise her to take up arms against her father's widow. Just to have 'courage' moreso at-the-ready when the situation calls for it. Take action for what you know is the right thing.
So yes, watching a children's movie with my 7-year-old and my darling wife (hi Kate!) led to this exploration. Cinderella, do better next time! Stand up for yourself goshdarnit!
"If I cant solve this for myself, how can I at least make this better for other people?"
— Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle is the Way
If the triggers for happy moments are so ordinary and so accessible, why does “finding happiness" remain such a big challenge for so many people? And why, when we “find" it, why does it so easily slip away? Happiness happens when life seems to be going your way. You feel happy when life behaves the way you want it to.
— Mo Gawdat, Solve for Happy
Indulge the body just so far as suffices for good health. It needs to be treated somewhat, strictly to prevent it from being disobedient to the spirit.
— Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
Rads Take
OK, now that I have properly chastised a beloved children's character, let's get to something else. And this week, nary a mention of death in the quotes! But...
The first quote from Ryan asks us to recognize that we do not need to be the recipients of our efforts. In Field of Dreams, Kevin Costner's Ray Kinsella goes on a tirade:
Ray: "I have done everything you told me and not once have I stopped and said 'What's in it for me?!"
Shoeless Joe Jackson: "What are you saying Ray?"
Ray: "I'm saying....what's in it for me?"
If you know the movie, like I do. Like the back of my damn hand, you would know that right after he said it, Ray knew that the whole thing was not about him. It was about what needed to be done. Sometimes, we are bees in the hive (Marcus alludes to a bee hive in Meditations) doing what we need to do for the greater good.
If we only do things so that we can reap some benefit for ourselves, then we need to reevaluate if that is something we should be doing. Many of us work so we can make some money. But for me, I want that sweet, sweet money so that I can have better opportunities and experiences with my family.
To bring it back to the quote, sometimes there are projects that we contribute to that we will not see to completion. Think a worker working on a cathedral that will take 200 years to complete. But that doesn't mean we start throwing a tantrum. You are doing it for your family. For the people that will enjoy it once you're gone. Or...don't do it! But if you are going to do it, do it to the best of your abilities -- and without complaining!
The second quote has us revisit how do we become happy? Mo says that there is a happiness equation where happiness is the net result of your expectations from life and your actual perception of life. The sooner we realize that both inputs in that equation are fully under our control, then the sooner we will achieve that state of happiness we all seek. Expectations minus actual perception. (is "actual perception" an oxymoron?)
And finally, cold showers. A cold plunge bath. The polar bear plunge. Unless you have a severe coronary condition, chances are very, very strong you would survive each of them. But we don't want to do them. I think the science is still out on the actual benefits of a cold plunge but its trendy. I myself adopted the habit of taking cold showers - until it became like 68 degrees outside after like a week and that whole thing stopped.
But the premise is to draw that line of demarcation between control and the absence of control. It makes you think about the line between the brain and the mind. Where does one stop and the other begin? We control our mind but not our brain.
So Seneca is saying don't spoil the body. You are not your body. Maybe instead, spoil your mind with challenges, knowledge, and a healthy vehicle to carry your mind around in. You do those things, and that sweet sweet cash might make its way to your wallet, purse, money clip, clutch, handbag, or Venmo account naturally.