Thanks to those that reached out after sharing my personal story last time. I've also shared some vulnerability on LinkedIn recently immediately followed by some resilience within the same post.
But people see the vulnerability more than the resilience. They see the failure and the perceived pain but don't truly believe the guy got back on the damn horse. The guy gets back on the damn horse because he chooses to. It ain't over for him when he falls. Not by a damn mile. (I'm gonna sprinkle in a "LFG!!!" right here)
Be empathetic. Don't hold other to the same expectations that you hold yourself to because you have no idea what they are going through. Assume that you can help build them back up. Because that's how you are strong.
But when they tell you that your capabilities are not needed now but will be remembered when they are truly in need, well you got a team of superheroes, stalwarts, waiting in the wings for when opportunity presents itself. They will remember.
So...👊
Was gonna go longer here, but saving the "article takes ## mins to read" for later.
The worst thing to happen is not the event, it is the event AND losing your cool because then you'll have two problems.
— – Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle is the Way
To feel grief, anger or fear is to try to escape from something decreed by the ruler of all things, now or in the past or in the future. To feel grief, or anger or fear is to become a fugitive of justice.
— – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
You are invincible if nothing outside the will can disconcert you.
— – Epictetus, Discourses & Selected Writings
Rads Take
"The ruler of all things"
My parents, who are avid Catholics, asked me "so what does Stoicism believe about religion?" Oh boy...
But the easy answer is, Stoicism is not a religion. At all. There is no pope or head priest / rabbi. No book that folks subscribe to. No tenets that must be followed else risk eternal damnation. In fact, feel free to continue practicing to the fullest extent the faith that you currently practice. Now, if Stoic teachings (which you can disregard just like any other quote you hear) fly in the face of your religion, then disregard them (and probably unsubscribe). But these are all food-for-thought ideas on how to be happier and find a place where you can be yourself in the world.
The Stoics frequently allude to God and the gods and even 'the logos' - a logical force of nature. But from one to the next - and even within one's own writings, the Stoics are not consistent in their other-worldly belief structure. This is a "just in case you were curious" section of the Rad Stoic. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.
Let's look at Quote 3 - what is "outside the will"? Weather, work, traffic, kids, parents, spouse, the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen...if none of those things can disconcert you, then you're good. That mentality doesn't absolve you from caring. And no one is expected to ever be invincible. This is more in pursuit of knowing what perfect is while at the same time having zero expectation that you will ever achieve that perfection. But we can be perfect in our efforts, our attempts, and receiving failure (not just in achieving our goals but also in failing to control our impulses) as an opportunity to improve next time around.
So the thing that happens outside the will is a "problem" to bring in Quote 1 from Holiday. So if we can approach invincibility to externalities, we will not be as affected when that "problem" occurs and we will be able to avoid throwing another problem -- our own inability to control ourselves -- onto the pile.
The second quote from Marcus is a bit heavier - not just in terms of religious implications but in going a level deeper. Why do we feel grief or anger? It is not because it exists naturally in our brain. But it results from events naturally occurring in the world around us. When we exhibit those feelings of fear and grief, that is a failing on our part in not being prepared for those externalities that are very much in the realm of predictability.
"But I just had a death in the family so I am allowed to grieve."
Damn right. The classic Stoics themselves ran into plenty of their own hardships which were followed by sadness and pain. But they are to be experienced in a world where that was always a possibility.
I am categorizing all of the quotes I have annotated (in Excel -- shut up) and 10% are pertaining to mortality. Eventually, I will create a mind-map website where these can be freely explored. Just a bit of a tease there.
Aight, I am going to wrap here and enjoy an evening in Cape May here with my family on this Independence Day weekend. Happy 249th 'Murica!